Six Months....

WARNING!! WARNING!! This post is truly for the benefit of the writer. This blog post is wordy, lengthy and rather self indulgent! Read at your own risk!

I can't believe it has been six months since my last post. It feels like a few weeks ago that we were sitting at the baseball park and enjoying the spring weather. Now, Christmas is here. We have had a crazy 6 months, filled with challenges and joy. There has been a lot of frustration and perhaps, a little too much of our focus has been on the frustration. Nonetheless, I have not felt like blogging. I really felt that if I did not have anything positive to say, I shouldn't post. And, for many months, I have not really felt very positive!

However, I can say I feel a little differently about things now. Not because the situation has changed, in fact, it has gotten worse in some ways, but because my thought process has changed.

As I have confided in friends about the challenges we are experiencing, some of them listen and just provide encouraging words. Some of them don't know what to say, and some of them offer hollow platitudes like, "At least you have your health," or "But you are already so blessed with a family and a home." While that is all true, sometimes you just aren't ready to hear it.

I reached my breaking point in September when I was notified that my wages at my parttime job would be cut by more than 1/2 and the shift I would have to work would not allow me to get my kids to school or take care of them in the afternoons. It suddenly was no longer a viable source of income. This, in addition to Brad becoming part time due to budget cutbacks, was just a little more than I could handle. At that point, I really thought to myself, "What am I doing wrong? Why is the Lord withholding blessings from me? Why is what I am offering to the Lord not enough to get the blessings I need to take care of my family?"

A good friend suggested that I read the talk entitled "Lessons From Liberty Jail." Here is the link. It was a life saver!!



It was then I realized that perhaps I was being blessed and that my offerings were enough. In fact, because of my offerings to the Lord, he was blessing and protecting my family from far more. Since then I have new gratitude for the challenges we are facing.

When I fell in October and broke my leg, I was once again asking "Why? What is the lesson I am supposed to learn from THIS?" At one point I could say, "At least I have my health." Suddenly, I couldn't claim my health anymore!

After my drug induced haze wore off and the pain lessened, and the 8 weeks of near bed rest passed, here is what I have learned:

1. Heavenly Father loves me and my family
2. Sometimes we do not see the reason for a challenge for a long time, but there ALWAYS is a purpose. As one of my children stated, "Heavenly Father is lots smarter than us!"
3. I have a great family! My mother has been so helpful through all of this! She has done my laundry, made a months worth of meals for me, cared for the children, prayed for me and encouraged me, along with my great Dad. What a gift! My siblings have been so helpful when distance has permitted, and always encouraging, no matter their distance. Their humor has helped me keep a positive attitude about my "gimpy" situation!
4. I love my husband! He has been everything to me these last 8 weeks! Only one time did he get frustrated in 8 weeks of waiting on me hand and foot, literally! He has worked everyday, taken care of the kids, done laundry (although his weakness is definitely folding), been the chauffer, made attempts at being the chef :) planned a great birthday party, decorated for Christmas and always treats me with kindness and gentleness. Sure he still ticks me off now and then, but I will always treasure the patience and love he has shown to me.
5. I have been blessed with great boys! My boys treat me so well. Under their father's direction, I am constantly being cared for by my four boys. The biggest frustration has been locating my crutches and scooter when they are cavorting with them! They are sweet and kind and always concerned about my well being. They escort me everywhere and get me whatever I need so that I don't have to get up.
6. I can slow down! I have seen that I can slow down and take more time to enjoy my children. I was running around like a crazy woman for at least a year. So rare were the opportunities I would take to sit and have a quiet moment with one of my boys. There has been a lot of reading together, game playing, and mostly quiet visiting. There are more kisses, hugs and sweet words being expressed. And even though the house isn't spotless and I don't look fabulous all the time, I feel like my family relationships are so much better because I have been forced to shift my focus.
7. My family can take on more responsibility. They have truly risen to the occasion. I clearly tried to do to much before and never accomplished everything! Now, my kids are learning to work and take better care of their home. They are also learning to work together, although it is not always easy.
8. The small everyday moments can be the greatest treasures. Here are a few of those treasures - Carson playing his first guitar solo at school, Colton hugging me and kissing me, unsolicited; Garrett to the barber after he told him he used to vacuum his Grandpa T's hair after haircuts - "Well, you did it too much!" referring to my dad's lack of hair; Turner singing ALL of the Christmas songs by heart as he walks around the house, and the list could go on and on of the things I have seen and heard while "sitting around" for the last 8 weeks.

My life is a gift and even though there are challenges that aren't going to go away anytime soon, I am determined that these circumstances will not dictate the course of our lives. We will use these experiences as a positive force and we will find the path that is meant to be ours. In the end, this little family will be stronger and better. I am becoming more and more grateful each day for the challenges that we face. And that is my blog for today.